The Cockney Guy

I decided to try my hand with the Brits. I’ve always found that British accent charming and this guy’s hinge profile was CUTE. Beautiful blue eyes, blonde hair, tall, works with special needs children. I mean, say no more, I’m IN. I arrive at an appropriately British pub that he was excited to take me to. Give a girl some fish and chips and she’s happy. I see him sitting at a table looking just as cute as his profile, and as I’m walking over he stands up and gives me the BIGGEST smile.

Oh, shit. I try not to gasp. His teeth. Or should I say lack there off. “Don’t judge, teeth can be fixed, you can get over this.” I think to myself. But then, he opens his mouth to say Hello…Have you ever seen Peaky Blinders? Well if you haven’t, let’s just say, you need subtitles. This guy’s Cockney accent was the thickest accent I have ever heard. I can barely understand anything he’s saying and he’s talking a mile a minute. At one point he says “Adidas” and I had to ask him to repeat himself 6 times, 6 TIMES. Now, this wasn’t the worst date because of his teeth or his accent. It was because he talked AT ME for 2 hours, with his missing teeth and his accent. Let’s just say, there’s a reason they don’t smile with teeth on their Hinge profile.

PS: Ran into him on the subway months later. It was weird.