Competitive Dating
We went our whole first year of teaching in NYC without going on a single date. As a way of “getting ourselves out there,” my two single roommates and I decided to make a bet as we concluded year one. We each agreed to go on a date by the time school began in the fall, and whoever didn’t, would have to buy a round of drinks for the others. These were no ordinary drinks. These were the Instagram famous popsicle-in-a-glass-of-champagne on the TriBeCa rooftop Loopy Doopy Bar, drinks, which were a steep $18 a pop! Being the competitive person that I am, I obviously agreed.
Summer began, and roommate number one went on a date. A few weeks later, I received a text that roommate number two had also gone on a date. Fuck. I really have to do this or I’m going to actually have to pay $36 plus tip to get these girls drinks!
Because it was summer, I was home in suburbia escaping my air conditioner-less apartment in the city, and I immediately got active on the apps. “Might as well go on a date with someone here who I will never have to see again!” I found a seemingly nice guy, and I agreed to get coffee. I was quite embarrassed to tell anyone that I had even made plans, because after all, I was going into this fully aware that my intentions were not for the “right reasons,” as if I were some sort of contestant on The Bachelor. I was doing this not to meet someone new, and certainly not to find love. I was doing this to avoid losing a bet.
God forbid I plan a date in New York City, or even on a Friday or Saturday night, which would force me to sacrifice highly coveted time with my friends, I instead decided to utilize my time strategically. On a random Wednesday, when I brought my mom to chemo, I decided to turn my regular trip to the hospital cafeteria into a coffee date with my Match. We exchanged pleasantries, and asked about each other's families. He ran track at an Ivy League school, and was about to begin 7 years of med school at another. Blah blah blah.
Maybe he could have been the one! But that summer, that date, that guy, was all just part of a bet.
You may be thinking, “wow what a shallow selfish bitch! Not only did she leave her mother at chemotherapy, but she just used this poor guy so she didn’t lose a dumb bet!” My mom and her whole chemo crew knew I was up to something funny, and upon my return 45 minutes later, they pressed until I spilled the beans, and really thought the whole situation was hysterical. The guy I am sure is doing just fine, and if he isn’t, it is certainly not because of one coffee date that didn’t transpire into a relationship.
What I have learned through my pathetic attempts at dating is that my priorities lie within my closest friendships. I am clearly willing to go outside of my comfort zone for friends, and ultimately I want to spend time with those closest to me! I do not think that makes me closed off or small minded, and so what if it does. Though I don’t think I will be single forever (and if I am yolo), I do know it will definitely take some time to find someone who will appreciate my priorities in life.